Put A Live Chicken In Your Underwear  
Travel Writing
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Fat and docile, big and dumb,
They look so stupid, they aren’t much fun
Cows aren’t fun

They eat to grow, grow to die,
Die to be eat at the hamburger fry
Cows well done

Nobody thunk it, nobody knew,
No one imagined the great cow guru!
Cows are one

He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal.
Cow Tse Tung

He spoke about justice but nobody stirred,
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd.
Cow dall drums


He moo'd: "We must fight, escape or we’ll die"
Cows gathered around because the stakes were so high.
Bad cow pun

But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate,
Loaded on to a truck where he rode to his fate.
Cows are bummed

He was a scrawny calf who looked rather woozi,
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi.
Cows with guns


They came with a needle to stick in his thigh,
He kicked for the groin, pissed in their eye.
Cow well hung

Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door,
Six gallons of diesel flowed out on the floor.
Run cows run

He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
“We are free roving bovines, we run free, today.”


"We will fight for bovine freedom and hold our large heads high,
We will run free with the buffalo
Or die."

They crashed the gate in a great stampede,
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed.
Cows have fun

Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
Covered in cow pats, covered up deep.
Much cow dung

Black smoke arising, darkening the day
Twelve burning McDonalds, “Have it your way”.

We will fight for bovine freedom and hold our large heads high,
We will run free with the buffalo
Or die.

The president said “Enough is enough:
These uppity cattle, its time to get tough”
Cow dung flung

The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief;
Tomorrow at noon they would all be ground beef.
Cows on buns

The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed;
They moo'd their last moos, they chewed their last hay.
Cows outgunned

The order was given to turn cows into whoppers
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers


But on the horizon, surrounding the shoppers,
Came the deafening roar…

Of chickens in choppers..

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