Andy Maxwell stepped up to the plate and organised a hummdinger all the way to the Isle of Ulay for some decent diving and an excellent weekend. There's something very right about catching your food and throwing it on the grill that evening. There was lots of all sorts of action, and this time I have notes so there will be a bit more colour when I'm back off holiday.

Suffice it to say we found out a few things about a few people; some we'd rather not have known, some we should have guessed.

Then you have your man Steve, by day humble accountant, by night raw-flesh eating jungle commando, crawling through the undergrowth with a knife between his teeth and a Charles Manson glint in his eye. Iif it crawls, slithers, swims, floats or flies five gets you ten that he's stuck a knife in it and thrown it on the barbie. Unless it's a scallop of course, those he eats raw. Euch. I'm sorry guys, you can say "Amazing", "Fantastic" and "Delicious" all you want, it's still a cold, disgusting, slimey shellfish.

Of course, the diving would have been a whole lot better if I'd brought both my fins. Sigh, there's no amount of speculating on Gary and Andy's unnaturally close relationship that's going to get me out of that one.

La Catherine's Fancy Dress Birthday Bash

Let's just say it was good, and pictures never lie. Andy, Gary and Ross co-ordinated their outfits, which was cute. Cat didn't have much of an outfit, Neil was green, Pete May came as a pig, Holly Golilghtly was there and a very smooth John Steed. Check it.

Stoney Cove

A well-decent weekend to kick the season off! We had 12's, 15's, twinsets and Aidan even threw down some rebreather action. The water was a balmy 6c, viz was 7-10 meters, the pike were everywhere. We off-gassed at the Star Inn (they still haven't replaced the shelf Millsy pulled off the wall..) where the restaurant has now become a curry house.

Welcome on board to your man Ian, much respect for the twin set and not even batting an eyelid at sleeping in the caravan, but not quite 'ard enough to eat a pickled egg! A new, Evil Aidan Hardy came out, Pants' dry suit somehow shrunk over Christmas (particuarly in the stomach area), and YAY Sally didn't implode at five meters.

The photos are coming in and will be up soon enough and believe you me one or two of them are nasty. In the mean time, can you guess which instructor couldn't switch on his own DPV, well can ya?

The Seagull Catapult

Intrigued? Read all about it here..

Red Sea, May 2005

The photos are up, with the bare minimum of illuminating commentary; check it.

!! Wreck Discovery Weekend, 17-18 September, St Ives !!

The trip is totally sold out folks, I put it about at the last club night and was oversubscribed by the end of the evening, which goes to show its always worth coming to club nights. If you want your name added to the reserve list let me know, the spaces will be given away in the order your names are on the list. I don't anticipate any spaces coming free mind, not until quite shortly before the trip when Mel bails out.

Parachute jump for handicapped divers

Annie Walters, a PADI and IAHD (International Association of Handicapped Divers) Instructor, and her husband Pete, a PADI Open Water Diver are going to complete a sponsored Static Line Parachute Jump on 21st August 2005 (weather willing) at Headcorn Parachute Club to raise funds for several disabled students to take their Open Water courses. If you want to find out more about what Annie's doing have a look at this chatboard, for more info on this parachute jump, check it.

St Ives - June 2005

Well St Ives totally rocked once again, the weather played along, the water was calm, the viz was easily out to 20m. There were sunfish, the possibility of a Basker, and best of all we got a dive on the Enrico Perez which I kid you not was a wreck of Red Sea quality, I've dived a few in the UK but this has got to be one of the best out there. Bright, sandy, large intact pieces, heaving with life. Damn. Photos and a write up to follow.

St Ives, May Bank Holiday

If you can bear to hear more about the Basker weekend, the sharks, the seals, the dolphins, Keith reclining in bed wearing nothing but a bowl of strawberries, then read on..

The Wedding Pool

Oh good GRIEF PEOPLE! Have you any idea how many emails, texts and calls I've had from folks getting all uptight about the Wedding pool.None of them worried for themselves you understand but variously expressing deep concern for ex's on the verge of gnawing through their restraints and at least three missed calls from someone undoutedly looking to safeguard his dear mother's sensibilities.

Stoney Cove, January 2005

Here you go, lots of photos and a tiny little bit of text, what do you want, it was almost half a year ago, blood?!.

Last Weekend

Last weekend was a weekend and a half. The diving was the kind that makes you remember why you spend all that money on kit in order to dive in the UK, the company was fantastic, everything worked out so well. Our brave band, Princess Catherine, Pete The Gland, Mark The Thumb, Rosie the Ray of Sunshine, Phil The Shy One, Donkey and The Other One, did some top diving. We got to see the Kintuck, the barge, Porthminster Reef, the train wreck and don't even get Rosie started on the seals at Seal Island! Conditions were good throughout, viz was ten meters, the temp was into double digits, what else can I say? Oh yes, my camera has gone so if anyone sees it. I'm not looking at you Pete, but I'll close my eyes and if it re-appears then we'll say no more about it all right son?

Catherine's Birthday Do

Top do at The Exhibition for our Oohh Lah Lah's birthday, excellent atmos and a sound turn out. Many many stories to tell; Rob and Pete May are nervously looking over their shoulders no doubt..

Marine Conservation Society

Now, y'all that dive know that the sea is an asset that is often overlooked 'cos the tree-huggers have a hard time drawing attention to something that's out of sight for most of the population. However, that doesn't mean that it doesn't need looking after.

I dived the Falmouth channel in May '03, over an area which had been illegally dredged by scallopers the previous week. They snuk in on a Sunday afternoon and dropped their nets down to the bottom. These nets were weighted with steel bars and dragged along a good eight inches below the sand, scooping up the scallops. And every single other living thing there.

It was a disgusting sight, one moment you were diving over a lovely bottom, kelp, crabs, lobsters, prawns, small blennies, wrasse and all sorts of stuff, the next moment it was like you were over a desert, there was literally nothing but sand. No rocks, no plants, no fish, no crustaceans, nothing, just scraped, bare sand.

Well, I can't say that the Marine Conservation Society is going to put a gun boat in the Falmouth Channel to blow up the next bunch of ocean-raping bastards who sneak in to destroy what's left of it, but they're petitioning parliament for better, properly enforced protection for marine species and habitats, and that makes them Good People. If you'd like to know more about the state of our waters have a look here, if you'd like to sign their petition have a look here. Go and have a look, you don't have to be a sandal-wearing whale-kissing hippie to want to protect our waters.

Rescue Course, 13th March

Congratulations to our new Rescue Divers Josie, Greg, Jeff and Colin for a course well completed in cold and murky Wraysbury this weekend. Well done Jeff for the super-efficient completion of the Panicked Diver On The Surface scenario, within literally two minutes I had been disabled and towed back to shore. Kudos to Greg "Ah farkin' lahve you" Goulding who is now the most highly qualified chav in the club, and to the AI who forgot to zip up her dry suit before jumping into the lake for Scenario Three. Yes, it really does happen.

Ice Diving, February 2005

Well done our brave Ice Divers, all returned safely from Austria and the trip sounds like it was a hoot, good on you's guys. Lets just bear two things in mind though: Without a doubt Shark Diver trumps Ice Diver, live with it. Secondly, to "Maverick & Goose" who were tobogganing in the nude, it's not clever and it's certainly not big.

Wales, 2004

The hardcore of divers went to Wales at the end of December for a bit of a bimble. Friendships were sealed, adventures were had, great beasts of the sea fought. Go on, read all about it, you know you want to. There's even a nekkid picture of our Vera, if you look hard enough.

Brighton, 2004

Some more photos are up (Brighton), I know its been ages and most of the people on the trips have long since retired and moved away, but hell, they're up, whatchawant?

Our Penny

And so, our Penny is off to Turkey. We'll miss her larger than life personality and that truly spectacular corsetry; she was a brief bite of stolen fruit scrumped from the orchard of our lives and enjoyed as such. We hope she'll be back often and that we'll be getting lots of invitations to summer in her palatial FCO villa with a view of the Bospherus from the balcony and within walking distace of all the best dive sites.

Stoney Cove November 6th-7th

Stoney was stonking, the write up is full of pictures so it takes a minute to load. Check it.

Dive St Ives, September 2004

Thanks to the incessant nagging, here's the write up, happy now?

Bodega Del Sal

Some of the photo's of our lovely day's punting in Cambridge are up too, check it.

Brighton Dive Day, 19th September

I'll bet you're all green with envy that you didn't manage to bag one of the few spaces up for this lovely day trip; well so you should be, it was a great day, we all experienced things we'd never thought we'd see, and came out of the other side of it better divers. Read all about it.